my thoughts on healing

Today I was reflexing on the past couple of weeks, even though they have been super painful for me I been able to start an on a journey to being able to create a new space for me in which to deal with tough issues. The thing that was scaring me the most was not being open about all my struggles. then I was just holding it all in trying to process it and that not very healthy at. I learning to be open but also protect myself if get too much for me. I wouldn’t go into a lot of detail a lot of it still being fig out. but I want people to know that I am working really hard right now and it becoming really overwhelming for me. I know their hope, Working with the kids some times I see love. But I what I learn about myself is that my way of processing things doesn’t work the way it uses too. That right now just taking baby steps is ok. I said this time and time again. Maybe I need to hear myself. that is ok to feel the way I feel, I deal with a lot right now. My job is super stressful and some times overwhelming and I, not the only one who feels that way. When stuff comes up for I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I glad I now have a place with my TYispist to finally let things go and create boundaries and expectations with my family and others. That a gift for me is to see that what was missing in my life, I need to grow up and create that space. I don’t know what is going to look like yet but I know that I give myself breaks and see the beauty of what I am doing it been healing. I   am healing in a way that wasn’t expecting. I don’t have to carry this load anymore. THat super powerful for me to see but I also need to boundaries around these issues in order to heal better but also so that I don’t get trigger again. I see that work Ia m doing it tough right now but I am really doing the work needed to change thanks

new lessons on listening to my students

so I did autism galley walk on Thursday and had a blast. I got to see some people I haven’t seen in a while and got some new ideas to back to my school. More on this later. On Friday I got asked to help in another class for the whole. I am was super touched never been asked to do that in my job before. It was tough but I got through it. One of the most powerful for me was to truthy be there for the students. I felt there fear etc and yet I stood by them. I breathe with a few of them. I talked to about listening and on Thursday I even help take one of the students in my class home because she was sick and she trusted me. There is something so powerful about the work I am doing not just with them but on me. I have found new things to heal and I found that it all going to be ok. I just need to keep moving forward living in my old ways isn’t going to help. These kids are teaching me how to live in the now. one of the other things this week taught me that we are both not broken. We all need to teach each other how to trust and how to heal. Its hard work. Some times it breathing with them. So times it showing for how it takes that there are safe people out there who care and some times it not saying anything at all and just being there for that person. Thursday taking that student home very few words were said I just told her to trust me, Today I am tired but I know that I deep down I need happen that both days happened. Being tested by all the students I work with teaches me something they want to feel safe and we all want to feel that. So I when I get tested I need to see the lesson in that they are trying in their way asking to feel safe or whatever they want. Sometimes it just to be heard in a safe space. The kids I work don’t always have a safe space in which to process. We some time in education deal with time as we have 6 hrs in school day but our kids need more than math etc. They need a place to heal and be safe thanks. One more point sometimes the lesson isn’t what on the board or what on the paper in front of us. It what happening to us inside and what happening to students inside