today I am reflecting on how far I come from a few years ago. I learn the other day that I more able to express my voice and know what I want to set my boundaries more. Which is an amazing gift for me. The one thing that I think it tough for any is Boundaries. I work with students who at the age where the only place they can show their power sometimes is with us the SEA or any other support staff. it sometimes comes off as a protest but as am learning it ok to let them to these because they are learning that you safe. the students I work with in class am in, have trouble with expression it doesn’t come easily to them. AS my friend Tony Quách said in my last post “Some individuals don’t have enough support or the right support to succeed in life. A lot of times, as educators, we pour our heart and soul to better the lives of students. The job continues at home and of parents don’t follow through, students struggle. I’ve had students come back from summer and all self-regulation strategies and appropriate supports are forgotten.” This to me reminds of me. AS an adult as still learning these skills. So I need to stop being hard on my self when I am learning them I come far from I was 2 years ago. it a journey, I am proud of the students who are trying to show their struggles and want us to help but we sometimes give the wrong help. the most important thing is to listen and give them attention when they doing a good thing and healthy things. Sometimes we only do give when it a bad behavior. I know my students are not my friends but they’re a great life teacher for me. I learned so much from them and they are learning a lot from me and I may never see that part of the job but it still gives me joy to know at least I planted the seed to open doors for them. So the moral is sometimes is the small things that matter not the big things, like if one the students take all year to do his name. that fine at least he or she is sitting there and trying to learn. It helps me to see that I should set small goals first the one I know are reachable and then over time I can see the bigger picture.
What on my mind today, I been seeing mental health person for some of my issues. and one the things I have been noticing about myself is how hard I am on myself. and I see how pressure I put on my self around the area of feeling safe. I posted about this before but I as slowly get into more deeper stuff. I see that my life I do affect people but I so not trusting of others that my first reaction to a lot of things it either to trust when it a bad time to trust or not to trust when It a good thing is happening. I as walk this path I really the kids I work with me but I also see that they have their own issues and paths, That is not always about me. I hitting a time in my life where I would love to be a relationship like dating etc but I my issue that I give all my self and it hurts a lot. I try not to do but others tell me that they don’t get know me very well, I don’t like being open to my feeling something and I don’t like feeling vulnerable because of my history of being used but It hard thing for me to get passed. I sharing this all with you as the need to get out in the open but also for me to start on a new path of healing. I learning how to only be safe and share around certain people but it hard sometimes when you get used and for me It taking baby steps to really create a safe space for me. I need to relearn a lot about the idea of what is safe for me and what is not and the rules change a lot for me and I see that in my life. I need to begin to take charge of my life in this way. I been really struggling with this issue lately and could use support and hugs as work some of these issues. There is an also a video which I just posted on FB live